Saturday, 25 May 2013

Generation 7, Chapter 27 : Gemma, don't cry... Please don't cry.

Slight nudity in this post... (Nothing sexual or of that any sort)


It's been a few months since Jonah passed away and thing haven't gotten even the slightest better, if I'm honest. Loosing a child is one of the most heart-breaking things to experience; the shock of finding him there... lifeless was bad enough... until it came to the funeral. Gemma was in such a state that I was left to plan my dead son's funeral all by myself.

However, for some reason I somehow, deep down, felt... a sense of guilt. I constantly thought day after day, I could of done something. If I checked on him earlier he may of not died. If he had his own room none of this would of happened.


Gemma almost shut herself down after the funeral. Day in day out, she would come out of our bedroom, get something to eat and go right back in, back to bed. She would occasionally come out go to the the toilet as well. She's also let herself ago, not caring one inch about her appearance...

''Gemma...?'' I asked, sighing as she didn't replied. ''Gemma, are you awake?''

''Yes, I am, Robin.'' She said, firmly, yet stuttering slightly as she moved her tattered hair from her face.

''Gemma don't you think it's time you have a bath, clean your teeth, you know... fix up...?'' I asked her.

''And Robin, isn't it time you go and mind your own damn business.'' She replied, sniffling and turning away from me.


''Daddy!'' Rose said, barging through the door and sitting in front of our bed. Her bright face lit up with enthusiasm which was something good to rely on with the gloomy atmosphere in our house. Rose clearly had some idea what was going on and clearly missed her brother, yet she somehow remained happy throughout all of this, mos probably because she's still young and wasn't aware of the whole situation...


''Rose just came in you know, Gemma... she really want's to play with you...'' I said to Gemma, looking down to rose and giving her a smile.

''Tell her I'm asleep.'' She replied.

''I know you're not asleep mummy, I just heard you talk!'' Rose butted in, quickly. Gemma sighed and sat up right.


''Rose isn't dumb you know, Gemma.'' I said, grunting as I got up and picked up Rose. '' Looks like mummy's telling a little fibs huh Rosey Pose!'' I replied to her, tickling her. ''Yeah, she is!''


Gemma began to cry softly as she slumped her forehead into her hands. Drops of tears came running down her palms and onto her legs and she continued to sigh.

''Oh Gemma, please don't cry. Rose doesn't like to see you cry.'' Rose whimpered and stretched er hand out to stroke her mum's hair. ''Mummy please don't cry, be strong like daddy is!''


She suddenly shook her head and Rose pulled her hand away. ''I need a bath. Now.'' Gemma said, rushing towards the archway, sniffling at the same time.

''Okay Gem, I'll go and put Rose to bed; Rose, say goodnight to mummy!'' I said to both of them.

''Goodnight mummy! Please cheer up tomorrow!'' Rose said to Gemma. She never replied, instead looked at her and began to cry even more as she continued to walk into the bathroom.

Gemma's point of view


I couldn't help but feel guilty for my little man's death. I continued to tell myself it was all my fault, and I should of died instead of him.

Then there's Robin, constantly telling me to pull myself together, and in some way he was right...

...I had let myself go. To be honest I just couldn't handle life anymore. I gave up on my garden, leaving every little leaf to whittle to it's death.. just like my baby boy did. What hurt me the most was the fact that even seeing my own five other children made me.. angry and annoyed. I felt like Jonah was the only person I was given to protect and I failed to do that.


Drip; Drop. The little droplets of cold water ran down my chilled spine as I sat in a cold bath of water... in complete silence. From what I knew the children were in bed and Robin went to put Rose to bed which left me to be by myself.


''Jonah, I'm sorry.''

''If you can hear me up in heaven, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to die. I never should of took that bloody nap in the first place! Or maybe you were hungry, I should of fed you before I put you down for your nap.''

''Honestly Jonah I'd do anything to swap our positions right now.. .honestly.''

''You deserve to be alive right now, being loved me everyone... unlike me.''

''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.''


Robin's Point of view

I heard Gemma talking to herself in the bathroom and I couldn't help but burst in.

''...Who are you talking to, Gemma?'' I asked her. She looked at me with a face full of hate and covered up her body.

''For god sake Robin, knock next time!''

''I'm sorry, I just wanted to know who you -.''


Just stopped me, got out of the bath and quickly put the same clothes she had on previously back on.

''None of your business! I'm sick of you telling to pull myself together Robin! Do you even know the slightest amount of emotions running through me right now? No.'' She spat out, with so much energy and feeling.


''...Y-Yes I do Gemma, he was my son too...'' I said, crying slightly as what she said hurt me. I sniffled and looked back up at her.

''Your a mother, I know. A mother loosing the child whom they birthed must hurt... But I feel the pain too you know; Going to bed every night regretting everything I didn't do that day and feeling guilty that I could of done more. You aren't the only one who feels this gut wrenching feeling side you, you know.'' I replied, firmly.


''I was his mother, Robin! The one who was supposed to protect him forever and I didn't... what use am I now!? Gemma screamed out, kicking the bathroom door open and running out.

''Wait!? Gemma, wait!?'' By time I starting chasing her she was already down the stair, heading out the door.


Just as I was about to bolt down the stairs Ceallach came running out of his room.

''Where are you doing dad!? Why did mum just run down the stairs?'' He asked, looking very worried.

I turned around to him and sighed. ''Listen Ceallach, mum's in a bit really bad state right now... I'm counting on you to look after your siblings for a little while, while I go and get her back. Is this alright?'' I asked him.

''Yeah, I'l look after them dad, just please maker sure mum is okay for me, please?''

''I'll try son, I'll try.''

--Gemma's point of view--

I just didn't know what to do anymore. My life just didn't make any sense anymore. I had already had enough past events to put a damper on my life but my loosing own baby tipped me off the edge.


I continued to trek through the rain, barefooted, sobbing loudly as I continued to be beaten down by the rainy storm above me.


It wasn't long before I found myself at the top of a cliff-edge. I looked to my right and saw the bustling, bright city side of St. Claire. Then I looked to my left and saw the rural, countryside of St. Claire and looked up at the sky and there was one cloud which stood out in front of the the other stormy clouds and for some weird reason... it made me think of Jonah.


''Jonah... if you can hear me in this rain, I'm coming for you... tonight. Tonight you'll see your mummy again and we can live happily together... in heaven.''

Right there and then, I decided... the only way to kill my guilt was to kill myself... to see my baby boy again in heaven.

--Robin's point of view--

I desperately looked hours and hours for Gemma, from driving all around to city to walking up through the mountains in the countryside.

''Gemma, Gemma!?'' I called out, echoing my voice to project it more.


''I'm up here.'' I heard Gemma say rather faintly as she was on a cliff edge above me. I heard her continue to sniffle as I ran up the mountain.


''Gemma, what the hell are you doing up here?'' I said, out of breath. I shook my head, trying to get most of the rain water out of it but it wasn't any use.

''Just leave me alone. I'm going to be with my baby boy!'' She said, jumping up suddenly.


''Gemma please, I am begging you... don't do anything you'll regret, please.'' I said, slowly walking towards her.

''But why Robin, why!? It's not like I have any use on this Earth now, I've got one more chance up in heaven to protect my baby... I need to take it....'' She said, stuttering slightly.

''And what about your other five children huh? Ceallach, Stella, Cade, Raegan and Rose, they're all at home waiting for their mummy to walk back through the door. They know you're not perfect, but you're their mum as well. You're also right, I don't know how it feels for a mother to loose her own child, but for one I know some sort of that feeling. Seeing Jonah dead in his crib, shocked me... back into reality. It showed me just how much we should appreciate the most precious things in life, our children. We both have issues and we're both not perfect, but we can get through this together.''


She suddenly broke into my arms, crying and pulling me in even tighter.

''Gemma, don't cry... please don't cry. Pull yourself together, for me, for your children... for Jonah.''

''I will Robin, I will.'' She replied, sobbing loudly in my arms.

...


It came to my attention that our grief couldn't just heal at the snap of a finger, it would take a long time. We've all lost a part of us but we had to pull together in order to stay strong.

Most importantly, for our little son looking down at us in heaven.

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Thank you for reading Chapter 27 of The Cronwell Legacy! Please read & comment and I'll be sure to reply!

Thanks, :)

7 comments:

  1. OMG, FINALLY CAUGHT UP!
    Holy shit, KURTIS!
    GOD DAMN, U KNOW HOW TO MAKE ME CRY!
    Actually crying, saddest near the end of a generation chapter ever
    OMG
    Can't wait for more and Gen 8 <3
    xoxo Aideybabes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well it's about time! ;)

      I do, I do :3 BUT I'M SORRY ; ___ ; & I know it is...

      Me too, I'm really excited to write!

      Thank you :)

      Delete
  2. Okay, so.. I WAS HAVING A HEART ATTACK bc I though that Gemma was going to really try to kill her herself and go to the hospital and... ugh! I'm criyng ;___; Robin, Gemma stay strong bc Jonah loves you and he's watching you <3

    Such a beautiful emotional chapter!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tricked ya! ;) But seriously if I did I could never live with myself ; __ ;

      He is!! Thank you so much, for reading and commenting!

      :')

      Delete
  3. So.Many.Feels! Why did Jonah have to die? DX Gemma's all sad, and...ugh. anyways, awesome chapter Kurtis!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know ; ___ ; Too much feels for one chapter! I know but she's getting happier!

      Thank you :)

      Delete

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